- If you’re looking for some of the worst slot machines to avoid, I’d start with Blazing 7s and Wheel of Fortune.
- Some games you should play include Mega Moolah and Cleopatra, which both have great RTPs.
- Progressive jackpot slots can offer huge wins but often come with low RTPs—just like these other disappointing games.
If you’ve spent more than five minutes in a casino (online or land-based), you’ll be aware that there are a ton of different slot games out there.
For everyday players, choosing which slots to never play again is as tough as picking out the right ones to play. It’s especially hard when there are thousands to choose from, with new ones being developed all the time.
Before you pull out your wallet, it’s worth knowing which games aren’t worth your time and money. Believe it or not, some slot machines are worse than others. For instance, you might find yourself dealing with terrible return-to-player (RTP) percentages, lackluster bonus features, and visuals straight out of MS-DOS.
This short guide will break down the kinds of slot machine games you should avoid, before looking at five of the worst slots ever made. On a more positive note, I’ll also recommend six amazing slots for you to check out on your favourite casino site.
Aim to avoid these three types of slot games if you want to have any fun.
3 Worst Types of Slots to Avoid
Why do people enjoy playing slots? Well, it’s mainly because they’re easy, entertaining, and offer the chance to win some cash.
When you play slots online for real money, it’s important to know what you’re getting into. Different games suit different playing styles, while your own goals might change from session to session.
On some days, you might simply want to spin some reels and see what happens. Perhaps you have an hour to kill, and don’t really care about winning big? If this sounds like you, then you must avoid slots with complex bonuses.
Some games require you to invest lots of time and cash in order to trigger their features. Others expect you to read call sheets in order to understand how they work. Both of these things suck. Don’t play those kinds of games.
Other players head to casinos with the hope of winning a life-changing amount of money. If this sounds like your goal, I suggest finding the highest RTP slots around. Stay away from progressives.
I’ll go into more detail below if you keep reading.
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Who isn’t tempted by piles of free cash?
There are tons of slot games giving you the chance to scoop some in their bonuses. This could come in the form of free spins, pick and click games, wheel of fortune style extravaganzas, or something else entirely.
Let me be clear here. Not all free spins and bonus games are bad. In fact, many of them are quite good.
The problem arises when you play a game where it takes forever to trigger its feature, or you need to spend loads of cash to get much from it. Wagering requirements are another thing to look out for. Sometimes you’ll be asked to wager your winnings from a bonus several times over before you can cash out.
Say you trigger a bonus and end up with $20 in winnings. If the wagering requirement is 4x, that means you’ll have to place wagers totaling $80 before you can withdraw your original $20 (and any remaining $20 you may have won from those wagers).
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An Example From My Own Experience
I once spent $100 on a slot called Kitty Cabana, a game set in a cat hotel. Yes, you read that right.
Now, I was having fun for the first $30 or so. But nothing happened. No big wins, no bonuses. Just spinning and spinning. Then, after about 50 spins, I hit a bonus round.
It wasn’t much. Maybe $8 or so.
I figured, “Ah well.” And carried on. A few spins later, I triggered the same bonus. Same result. Dollar or two profit, if you can even call it that.
At this point, I calculated that I would need to trigger the same bonus at least four more times to cover the cost of getting here. That’s not including the fact I had already lost around $70.
I moved on to another slot. I consider that one of the worst slot machines to quit, dumping me at the kissy-face moment without so much as a promise to call.
Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Do yourself a favor and stay away from complicated bonuses. They tend to be among the worst slot games to win nothing but frustration.
Want to avoid complicated bonuses? Try Guns N’ Roses.
#2 – Progressive Jackpot Slots
We’ve all seen them. Those enormous progressive jackpots that grow bigger every day. The kind that seem almost too large to be true. Have you ever considered who puts to get there in the first place?
That’s right – it’s guys like you and I, spinning the reels of some of the worst slot machines on earth.
Look, I get it. The prospect of winning millions from a $5 spin is very appealing indeed. We’ve all got our ideas for what we would do with all that cash. An island in the Caribbean? A whole private army? Who knows?
The main problem with progressive jackpot slots is their Return-to-Player (RTP) percentage. This figure tells you how much each game pays out over time, relative to how much has been wagered on it.
Most online slots have an RTP of around 95%. Some are higher, while others are lower. Generally speaking, the higher the RTP, the better the game.
Here’s the thing — most progressive jackpot slots have RTPs lower than 90%. Some are even lower than 80%.
15+ Best Casino Games for New Zealand Players with Highest PayoutsThat means that, on average, these games pay out less than 90 cents for every dollar wagered on them. By comparison, many classic slots and video slots with fixed jackpots have RTPs of 96%, 97%, or even higher.
In simpler terms, your chances of making money on any given spin are much higher if you play a non-progressive game!
Yeah, you might hit that gigantic jackpot one day. Maybe you’ll even be the lucky winner who breaks that million-dollar jackpot. Wouldn’t that look nice in your mansion overlooking the Caribbean?
But think about how many people have spun that game, day in and day out, hoping to achieve exactly the same thing. Do you really want to spend months or years chasing a dream, watching that progressive jackpot tease you from atop its gilded pedestal?
Wouldn’t it be easier—more sensible—to find a game you enjoy, with a high RTP and reasonable betting limits, and just stick with that?
Thought so.
By the way, Greedy Goblins is a great game. Progressive jackpot or not.
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#3 – Ancient Egypt-Themed Games
How many ancient Egypt-themed slots have you played? I’ve lost count at this point. There are just so many of them!
Cleopatra changed the game when it launched all those years ago. Everyone wanted a piece of that action, and now the market is absolutely swamped with games set in that bygone era.
Everything from the Pyramids to Neferiti has inspired countless slot games. You name it—some developer out there has created a slot based on the theme.
Don’t get me wrong. I love history as much as the next guy. I really do. But there are plenty of other historical periods to draw inspiration from. How about a game set during the golden age of piracy? Or perhaps one based on the Wild West?
If those themes are too overused for you, try something a little more left field. How about a game based on aerosol art, hip hop music, or the early history of the internet?
I’m willing to bet someone out there is working on a slot game inspired by emojis. Beats the living daylights out of another boring old Ancient Egypt slot, huh?
By the way, Cleopatra is one of the games you can skip. Trust me.
8+ Years in Online Casinos - Here's What I've Learnt the Hard WayThese are just a few of the worst slot machines you’re likely to encounter. Have you got any others to add to the list? Which games make you want to scream? Let us know in the comments section at the end.
If you’d like to know more about slots in general, I’d check out this comprehensive guide for beginners.
5 Absolutely Terrible Online Slots
Now that you’re familiar with the types of slot machines you should stay away from, let’s take a look at some of the worst slots of all time.
Get ready to say it with me: “Blazing 7s, clears screen, all wins Times 2!”
If you’ve spent much time in a Las Vegas casino, you’ll be intimately familiar with that announcement. It belongs to one of the oldest and most despised slot machines still in operation.
Here’s the deal with Blazing 7s. It’s a three-reel slot with a single payline running across the middle. Match three identical symbols on that payline to win a prize.
The top symbol is the 7. Any three 7s will pay twice their published value, i.e., Times 2. The symbols above and below the 7 in the pay table are different colors. Clear screen removes all reels from view.
That’s it. That’s the entire game.
Oh, and by the way, the lowest payout is two cherries, which equals one coin.
They don’t make 'em like they used to, eh?
I know what you’re thinking. How can such a simple game be one of the worst slot machines? The answer is twofold.
First, it’s incredibly boring. Spin after spin after spin… are those three 7s on the payline, or just a pair and a single?
Second, the odds of hitting those jackpots are astronomical. Take the orange 7, for example. According to the paying table, five of those on a single payline will win 200 coins. That doesn’t sound all that great, does it?
How many spins do you think it takes to line up five symbols on the center payline? Try 16,384,000. Yeah. That’s one million, six hundred thirty-eight thousand, four hundred nine clears and all sounds.
Wheel of Fortune is another one of the absolute worst slots . Am I being too harsh? Maybe. It’s a classic, after all. But then, so is the Commodore 64. Does that mean we should go back to using them?
new free casino slot gamesCheck out the video below to see what I mean.
If that wasn’t a painful enough reminder of the 1980s, allow me to present you with one more offender: Boom!
OK, OK, I’ll grant you that isn’t the worst slot machine in the world. It’s not even one of the worst PC slot games you’re ever likely to play.
While it might not be deserving of a place among my choices for the worst slots to lose your money on, I do think Boom! deserves special mention for its appalling audio.
Seriously. Have you heard it? It’s unbelievable.
I remember the first time I clicked “spin” on Boom! at one of my favorite online casinos. I was expecting to hear some sort of whirring, grinding noise—you know, like a real slot machine. Instead, a cartoon finger tapped me lightly on the shoulder and said, “Click to spin.”
What the—?!
Apparently, that’s supposed to be funny. I guess. Look, if you like that sort of thing, that’s great. Boom! is the game for you.
Personally, though, I prefer my slot machine games to spin themselves when I tell them to. I don’t need some smart-alecky digit asking for work it wasn’t programmed to do in the first place.
Tips to Help You Stay Safe While Enjoying Online PokerDid I mention that the background music is even worse?
Moving right along, how about we take a look at my recommendations for the five best online slots? These are some of the games I come back to time and again whenever I fancy a spot of online slot machine action.
You might even describe them as my “go-to” games. Ha! See what I did there?
No? Oh, well.
By the way, I nearly added the immortal Grease to that list. Check it out if you want to play one of the best branded slots around.
6 Great Online Slots You Should Play
It’s time to shift our focus onto some of the best online slots you should play. After all, not all slot games are mindless, soulless cash grabs designed to part you from your cash.
Some of them are brilliant.
Take Mega Moolah, for example. What makes it great? Well, it’s got catchy graphics, great animations, and a solid bonus feature. Most importantly, however, it comes with a massive progressive jackpot.
Unlike other progressive jackpot slots, Mega Moolah has an RTP of 88 percent. When there’s no jackpot to be won, this rockets up to 94 or 95 percent. That makes it one of the best slots on the web. Period.
Best Real Money Slots Apps To Use On Android in 2023Clearscreen 20 is another one of my favorites. If you can get past the cheesy announcer, you’ll find an awesome game with retro stylings and plenty of character.
Have you played any of these so-called worst slot machines to quit? Do you agree with my assessments? I’m always happy to engage in a spirited debate, so feel free to leave a comment below. Your words of wisdom could help a brother out.
If you’re eager to start spinning some reels right this second, why not try one of the following casinos? Each offers a generous welcome bonus to first-time depositors, giving you extra funds (and/or cash to spend on slots) the first time you deposit on their site.
Footnotes:
- The author of this piece is old enough to have experienced the Commodore 64 firsthand.
Anthony is a sports writer for GamblingSites.com on a daily basis. He is a long-suffering Bolton Wanderers fan and a season ticket holder.
A lover of football from around the world, he tends to support the underdog. He can be found on LinkedIn here.